Former President George Herbert Walker Bush
In a heartfelt comment, former President Bush offers his thoughts on his work with former President Clinton and the lesson young men might take away from their example.

“When, in life, you find yourself on opposite sides of an issue from another person or group of persons, I encourage you to engage in the kind of rigorous debate upon which our great country was founded. However, I hope also that you will be mindful never to let those differences become a chasm which you cannot cross for the sake of a greater good. Indeed, ‘a better man’ is one who understands that he can put aside differences without surrendering his beliefs.”

Ambassador Andrew J. Young, Jr. (Civil Rights Leader)
This excerpt is taken from an exquisite interview with Ambassador Young in which he explores the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King and the importance of finding a purpose in life greater than oneself.

“I posed a question to the congregation earlier this afternoon. I asked them, ‘Was Martin Luther King a genius?’ Of course the answer to that was a unanimous yes. I followed that up with a second question: ‘Are you a genius? Are you a genius?’ Now the room got quieter; people were unsure of how to respond. But you see, if we say Martin Luther King was a genius without acknowledging that the same genius exists in ourselves, then we risk feeling relieved of the responsibility to pursue our own capacity for greatness.

“I don’t know how to say it any more plainly. You are not simply this flesh and blood! You are spiritual beings, and because of this, you will not achieve the happiness you desire by living selfishly. You cannot survive like that!

“Now, does this mean you cannot be successful? Of course not. We formed this business, GoodWorks International, because we felt called to help American businesses get into Africa, and we have been very successful. But before we began, I asked myself, Does this feed the hungry? Does this clothe the naked? Does this heal the sick?—and it does. Business does that.  Jobs and work and wages and prosperity do all of those things. Nevertheless, I get criticized all the time for associating with Chevron and Wal-Mart. But to my way of thinking, it is very simple:  If we want lights, we need oil. If we want to drive cars, we need oil. It is ultimately very hypocritical to want to live as we do and not want to associate with the companies that allow us to do it. 

“So I say by all means, be successful. Be as successful as you possibly can! But find a way to serve God in your work at the same time, either directly or indirectly.” 

Ray Allen (Shooting Guard, 2008 NBA Champion Boston Celtics)
Here, Ray Allen talks about the true measure of a champion and sets forth his thoughts on why and how men must do a better job of respecting women.

“I want young men to see that life is not about the flash and flare. It’s about having an impact on everything around you from your family to your community to the earth. At the end of your days, that inevitable question will rise within you of how well your life was spent. How well did you leave this planet from the time that you were born to the time that you left? 

“Ultimately, in my profession, we’re playing a sport, and that is what the focus is on. But we’re playing a sport that has seen great players before, has seen great players in our time, and will see great players when we’re gone. So we can’t reasonably be judged by our athleticism or by the numbers we put up or the Championships we win. What we will be judged by—and judge ourselves by—is how we dealt with our success. How did you come across? How did you make the people around you better? Ultimately, that is what I want kids to see—that this game, like anything else in life, is about the relationships you create. Because once you’re gone, that is what is left. That is what you take with you to sustain you, and that is how you ultimately will be judged. What did you do to make things better? That is the question your life has to answer. 

“So, when it comes to women, I think every man in this world should take the time to make a woman feel better. The good men need to make up for the ones who aren’t doing the right thing.  When you see a woman walking across the street—she could be a teacher on her way to work with 30 kids for eight hours, and if you compliment her or help her across the street, she’s going to go to school with that little bit of extra energy for those kids. Or it could be someone’s wife—someone raising children—and that is what society says is our foundation. We hear a lot of concern, ‘The children! The children!’ But children start with a man and a woman, and with a man taking care of a woman. That relationship is so critical, and we don’t teach that. We don’t take it seriously like we should. Ultimately, it will be our downfall.” 

Tavis Smiley (National Television and Radio Commentator)
This answer was given in response to the following question: As someone who works in television and radio, I would be curious to know what advice you have for young men that might help them be more savvy consumers of [popular] media.

“I think the most important thing that I can share in that regard is how easy it is to be swayed by those images if one does not have a clear image of himself. And so I think that we have to start with two fundamental questions, which are: What is the image that I have of myself? and What is the image I have for myself? The answers to those questions will shift over time, obviously. But that being said, you must know and have thought about the answers to those questions in advance. 

“There is an old adage, ‘It’s not what people call you; it’s what you answer to.’ I find myself consistently saying that to young black men and, in fact, it is something that I would say to any young man. It’s not what people call you; it’s what you answer to.”

Kenny Leon (Award-winning Broadway and Film Director)
In this excerpt, Kenny talks about the path to forgiveness that he forged during the early years of segregation and why he feels that the ability to forgive is “a necessity.”

“I was in 9th grade when the Civil Rights laws took effect. Here I was this poor, black kid from the country and I was bussed to one of the wealthiest white schools in the county. It was a tough time—a tough time—but I carried my grandmother’s lessons with me. I looked for ways to build bridges. I refused to indulge hatred. I told myself, ‘That person may think he hates me because I’m black or poor or whatever, but he really doesn’t. He just doesn’t know any better.’ So, I chose forgiveness. I chose it. After all, we’re all imperfect. We all make some terrible mistakes; there’s not one grown person on this planet who hasn’t done a few things they deeply regret. So, the ability to forgive is a necessity for each and every one of us.”

Admiral Leighton W. Smith, Jr., USN (Ret.) (Four-star Admiral and Former Commander of NATO Implementation Force Bosnia (IFOR); Commander-in-Chief, Allied Forces, Southern Europe)
In this humorous and personal essay, Admiral Smith recounts his terrifying meeting with Captain William F. Bringle, the Commandant of Midshipmen at the United States Naval Academy. This meeting marked the turning point that took him from a first-year Naval Academy plebe on the verge of flunking out of the Academy to the midshipman who would go on to become one of the most respected and decorated four-star admirals of his generation.

“Years after this event, a dear friend and wonderful, nationally-recognized educator asked what had motivated me to go on from that session in Commandant Bringle’s office to not only graduate, but to have a successful career in the Navy. I laughingly replied that it was ‘those damned pigs!’ But of course it was more than that. In fact, it was the sudden realization that if I didn’t take responsibility for my own life and commit to the work that would be required to succeed at this—the first true test I had faced as a young adult—that I would become accustomed to failure and accept it as part of my life. I also knew that I would spend the rest of my life making excuses or blaming someone else for not making it. I determined that I would not allow those who had told me I would fail to be the ones who guided my fate.

“The same thing is true for each and every one of you today—you are responsible for your life and what you make of it. Period! Not your parents. Not your teachers. Not your friends. I say this knowing full well that life is easier for some of you than it is for others. There are those who lead relatively charmed lives and others for whom every day may feel like a battle. Even so, the same rule applies. Is that fair? Hell no, it’s not fair! But if you need life to be fair in order to move forward, then you’d better get comfortable right where you are. You will never effect meaningful change simply by wishing things were different, or worse, making excuses as I did.” 

Michael Bantom (Head of Player Development, NBA)
In a powerful interview on perseverance and faith, Michael Bantom encourages readers to make the choice to become not only the best professionals but the best people they can be.

“Young men today are growing up in a culture that tells them everything has to be big—big money, big celebrity, big influence. The attitude is, ‘I want it and I want it now!’ But nothing real happens like that! Anything of lasting value takes time. You look at a Sidney Poitier and then at the overnight sensations you see in the music or entertainment industry. What you want, what you really want as a person, is going to be gotten by taking the route that Sidney Poitier took. He worked at his craft. He made choices that helped him grow not only as an actor, but as a person, and today, he is one of the most admired and respected actors in the world. Yet, as a young man, you’re likely to be attracted to the guy with overnight success because that’s the guy with the Rolls-Royce and the ‘bling-bling,’ surrounded by beautiful women. You’re going to say to yourself, That’s what I want! But that’s not really what you want in the long run. What you want is the ability to create those things for yourself and to create the life that you want.” 

Adam Cristman (Professional Soccer Player)
This answer was given in response to a question I posed to Adam about young men—specifically, whether it was reasonable to expect them to simply turn away from degrading images of women in the media.

“…I think it’s reasonable to suggest to young guys that they might want to think about the images coming across the screen. Maybe try to define yourself, your sense of right and wrong, a little more clearly before you find yourself watching that stuff without a second thought. Every single one of those girls is somebody’s daughter or sister. They’re human beings and, just based on that, they deserve at least a passing thought from whoever is watching them. I think it’s fair to ask guys to maybe take a second to ask yourself how you would feel if this was your sister, or a girl you knew or a girl you cared about. Is this what you would want? Is it something you’d be okay with for her?”

KHJ: Is that a tall order, asking young men to do that?

Adam: “Maybe. But we just seem so willing to take in all this garbage and never really question it. ‘Sex sells,’ so goes the cliché. And the media isn’t going to stop. As long as they get people to watch, they’re going to keep putting it out there. They don’t care about whether it’s respectful or hurtful, or even right or wrong. So it’s up to us, as consumers, to be smart and to care a bit more about these women and how they’re portrayed….”

Father Hector LaChapelle (Roman Catholic Priest) 
In a remarkable interview, this unique Catholic priest explores the beauty of different world religions. But he begins by addressing, up-front, my suggestion that perhaps boys struggle with the idea of faith and its importance in their lives.

“Oh, it’s more than a struggle for many of them, I’d say! (laughs) A lot of young people reject faith outright. It doesn’t make sense to them, or they put their faith in technology or science because they feel it explains things. But faith does matter. You know, your soul is part of your birthright as a human being; it belongs to you, not to anyone or anything else. So you may reject a religion or the imperfections and missteps of a religion. But faith? Faith is yours alone. And that is a distinction people often fail to make. They assume faith and religion are one and the same.” 

KHJ: I think too that, frankly, a lot of young men don’t see faith as particularly “cool” or “manly” or whatever.

Father Hector: “That’s true. But you know, by and large, the greatest and most admired people throughout history were people of faith. They had a sense of their place in the universe. So, whether it seems ‘manly’ now or not, that is the direction one ultimately wants to head in. All the appetites that we have can be fulfilled, whether it is for food or sex or whatever. But we all also have an appetite for the infinite, and of that we can never have enough. We are all searching for that which can satisfy us at the deepest level and that is God or the infinite—call it what you want. Understanding this is, I think, critical to your survival. It is wisdom we all must come to accept if we are to live our best, our fullest life.”

Dominique Wilkins (NBA Hall of Fame Basketball Player)
In his interview, Dominique talked about what’s wrong with pop culture’s image of manhood, about the importance of doing what is right, and about the bullying he endured as a young man.

On pop culture’s definition of manhood:

“The thing I see as one of the biggest misconceptions out there—and I see it across the spectrum—is this idea that disrespect is respect. A lot of young men and a lot of male role models in music, movies, and television behave in a way that is disrespectful to women, to each other, and to the world in general. It’s all about being as tough as you can be and as ‘big’ as you can be—a big focus on self. But I think they’ve got it backwards. The truth is you build respect through the courage and kindness that you show others, not by trying to show how tough you are, how much money you have, and all that. That’s not respect. You can’t buy respect. Maybe you can buy a form of respect—envy, really—for a little while. But eventually when all the money and attention are gone, what do you have?” 

On doing what you know is right:

KHJ: But the end result of that, of course, is that you may be perceived as being “different.”  You risk being singled out.

Dominique: “That’s true, but so what? You don’t have to be like everybody else. It’s okay to be a little different. There’s nothing wrong with being different. Because at the end of the day, when you’re doing things you know are right, and you take that long road instead of that short road to success, at the end, you’re going to be looking at these people and saying, ‘You know what, these are the things I tried to tell you a long time ago.’ You have to have long-term goals and a long-term focus to be successful.  I had to learn that lesson very early in life because I’ve been on my own since I was 16. So, whether I wanted to or not, I had to sort of educate myself, through school, through the streets, and right on into athletics. It’s something that I’m very proud of.”

On the fact that he was bullied as a child and what he would say to someone today who is being bullied:

“[T]he first thing I would tell a kid in that situation is that you have a right to stand up for yourself. Now, let me say upfront that, in most situations, I tell kids to just walk away. You just need to walk away and not indulge in that. But if you have a situation like that one where someone is constantly picking on you, you have to be ready to take a stand in some form or fashion. 

“Take my situation for example. I told these kids, ‘You guys can throw whatever you want at me, you can hit me, you can call me bad names, but you can never take away who I am. So if you want to disrespect me, you go and take your best shot but I’m not going to sit down. I’m not going to lie down. You knock me down and I’ll get back up twice.’”

Colonel John W. Ripley, USMC (Ret.) (Marine War Hero, Legend, Icon)
In an essay that is personal, humbling and powerful, one of the United States Marine Corp’s greatest heroes speaks to young men on courage:

“I have little doubt that each of you, if asked, would say that when you grow up you would like to be well-respected—a man of courage and compassion, someone who treats his fellow human beings with dignity. But in life, the right thing to do is rarely the easy thing to do and, in the end, your ideals are meaningless if the decision to act in accordance with these ideals comes only when there is little or nothing at risk. Courage, whether moral or physical, always comes at a risk and with the expectation of sacrifice. It never comes cheaply.” 

Tim Reid (WKRP’s “Venus Flytrap”—Actor, Director, Producer)
In a thought-provoking interview, Tim Reid opens young men’s eyes to the way media impacts their lives and their thinking and tells what he has learned about the true meaning of prosperity.

“If you live near the ocean or you own a pool, you should know how to swim! Well, the pool in our case is the flood of information from the media. Young people can’t get away from it—no one can get away from it! But what I try to get across to them is the fact that they have got to learn to be smart with the information. They’ve got to think!

“In the novel Brave New World, Aldous Huxley warned that the fear of mankind should be that we live in a world of perception and not reality. Why? Because you cannot build a defense against perception. Young people today—and in fact anyone who is hypnotized by the power of the media—live in a world of perception. And the perception, as I said earlier, is that money can fix anything.”

KHJ: But people do need money to get by. So, isn’t there an argument to be made that money is the answer—at least to some degree? 

Tim: “Not money—prosperity!  We need prosperity. Everyone has a right to be prosperous:  have a decent education, a decent home, healthcare, all those things. These are the elements of a good community and society. But many people make the mistake of thinking wealth and prosperity are the same thing. Prosperity and money or prosperity and wealth are two different things. So, the reality is we have a right to be prosperous. But the perception, handed to us by the media, is that we need to be rich.

“Let’s imagine you’re a young person and you go out and get all this wealth—what’s your purpose?  What are you going to do with it? Are you going to enrich your life and the lives of others? Or are you just going to be rich? 

“That’s a question every person has to answer in the end.”

The Honorable L. Douglas Wilder (Grandson of Slaves and the First African-American in U.S. History to Be Elected Governor of a State)
Speaking from a vantage shared by few Americans living today, this grandson of slaves challenges young men of every color to stop making excuses for failure and work instead to find ways to succeed!

“If you are a young man of color, it would be easy to listen to those friends and peers who tell you that you cannot make it because this is a white world, or, if you are poor, because it is a world controlled by the rich, and so on. There will never be a shortage of people who will try to convince you that you have no chance in this society. However, as one who lived through—and rose above—both poverty and segregation, I believe I speak with some authority in saying that poverty, cultural barriers, segregation, or even slavery itself will no longer be a sufficient reason for any person or any child in America to say that success is not attainable. Raised in segregation, the grandson of slaves, I would go on to become the Governor of Virginia. You tell me what obstacles cannot be overcome!” 

Commander Paul E. Galanti, USN (Ret.) (Former Vietnam Prisoner of War)
Having spent nearly seven years in the brutal confines of the infamous Hanoi Hilton, Commander Galanti shares with young men what he has learned about overcoming hardship and demonstrating persistence in the face of obstacles.

“[M]any young people (and that includes many of you)…believe that they are entitled to feel happy and comfortable as they go through life. While it’s great in theory to believe we should all be treated the same, be equally talented, and be equally lucky in what comes our way—life just isn’t like that! And if you think that it is, you’re in for a rough ride. 

“The good news is that you can, in fact, withstand far more discomfort and disappointment than you might imagine; and you can achieve far more success in life than you can even dream of right now. But you’ll never achieve any of it if you cannot learn to embrace—or at least tolerate—failure and disappointment at some level. Nor will you succeed if you are in the habit of feeling sorry for yourself or if you are in the habit of expecting someone else to come in and make things better for you. 

“And so, contrary to the feel-good philosophy, here is what I hope for you: I hope that at some point you get pushed up against the wall so hard you’re sure you can’t recover, but somehow find a way to. I hope that you meet with obstacles so immense they stop you in your tracks, and you summon the strength to overcome them. I hope you experience the possibility of terrible failure and continue forward undaunted. In other words, what I hope for each of you is that, as you travel the road of life, you are given the opportunity to develop within yourself the tools you need to descend into the valleys and return again to the mountaintops.”

Matt Hasselbeck (NFL Quarterback for Seattle Seahawks)
In his interview, Matt shares his definition of a “great man” by paying homage to his father and to his former coach Jim Zorn. He also offers some advice he thinks is critical for young men to hear.

“I say, accept the risk of being a leader. Because it is a risk—you’re putting yourself out there.  Being a leader isn’t about going with the grain. It’s about ignoring what’s popular and doing what’s right. And nothing about that is easy. It’s not easy to stand up to a group of your friends and say something like, ‘Hey, why are you smoking? That’s not cool.’ It’s not easy to say you’re not going to cheat when people ask you to or you see them doing it. But I’d rather have an honest ‘C+’ than an ‘A’ I got by cheating. Those things aren’t what’s popular; but that’s being a leader, in my opinion. When I go out and talk to young guys, especially young quarterbacks, I’ve really tried to share with them how those things that happen off the football field carry over onto the field. That skill set, and the fact that you’re choosing to act with integrity all the time—it matters.  Your teammates see it and, as a quarterback, you need to be that guy in that huddle they know ‘for sure’: They know who you are; they know where you stand; they know what you stand for.”

Kevin Willis (20-Year NBA Veteran Player—Recently Retired)
A father and a 20-year veteran of the NBA, Kevin Willis takes on the topic of what it really means to be a man in the face of prejudice—especially when that prejudice is directed at homosexuals.

“Well, first of all, I don’t want to sit here and lie to you and tell you that I’m perfectly comfortable with homosexuality. I think I am like a lot of straight men in that respect. However—and this is an important however—I try very hard not to pass judgment. None of us are in a position to sit in judgment of another human being. As an African-American I know what it feels like to bear someone’s intolerance and prejudice, so I do not want to be a party to that. When I read about some guys beating on someone just because he’s gay…well, I think it is just about the worst thing they can do. We can disagree with someone’s choices. We can be honest in saying that it makes us uncomfortable or whatever, but we don’t ever have the right to be violent. You don’t get to express your discomfort with someone’s sexuality though violence or through words that degrade, just like you don’t get to do that based on someone’s color or religion or ethnicity. If you’re feeling like you want to hurt someone just because they’re gay, I’ve got news for you: It has nothing to do with them! All that hate, all that anger—it’s about your own insecurities and your own manhood feeling threatened. So, am I 100 percent comfortable with homosexuality? No. But do I feel threatened by it? No. Why? Because I am secure in my manhood.” 

KHJ:  So what is it that young men can take away from your experience?

Kevin: “Live and let live. That is what is right and it is what is required of you. Live and let live and keep yourself in check. And when you can’t do that, you need to sit down and ask yourself why not. Why can’t I let that person be who he is? Why does that threaten me? Then put your energy into working on yourself and leave whoever it is alone!”

Professor Roger A. Schmitz, Ph.D. (Former Vice-President, University of Notre Dame)
This brilliant professor and former Vice-President of the University of Notre Dame shares wisdom he has garnered over the course of a lifetime on the question of why some people succeed where others have failed.

“I’m sure that each of you hopes to go on to lead a fulfilling and successful life in the end. One predictor of your ultimate success lies in your ability to view today’s picture as one of unusual privilege and opportunity. By this I do not mean that you should ignore problems that exist in the world. Far from it. There are difficult moral and ethical question that you will have to face. But, like the men and women of previous generations, you must find a path through these complexities. You will need the strength of character to maintain a positive mental attitude regardless of what life throws your way, the good judgment to take advantage of opportunities, the self-discipline to rise above the negatives, and the courage to focus on what is good and humanly decent.”

Kevin Smith (Juvenile Counselor Specializing in At-risk Populations)
In a powerful and moving essay, Kevin Smith traces his own journey through anger and redemption, as well as the journey he has taken with hundreds of at-risk youth, adult prisoners, and “T”—a young man he counseled who was sentenced to life in prison for murder.

“T and I both had deep-seated anger issues. But anger was not T [real problem], nor was it mine. Anger, like overeating, lying, gang-banging, and drug-abuse, is a…sign that the foundation in a particular area of your life is absent or compromised. But like physical pain, anger has a positive quality in that it lets us know something on the inside is not right. 

“As a counselor, I’ve come to realize that some of the most violent and angry people in the world are people who have been deeply hurt, but never dealt with their pain. The reality is that if you struggle with anger, you have only two options: you can control your anger by healing it, or it can control you. There is no middle ground. But understand this: if you allow yourself to become a man controlled by anger, you will live your life being vulnerable to every outside influence, every annoyance—no matter how minor—and every slight, real or imagined. In the end, you will be as much a prisoner as T.” 

Dee Bradley Baker (Hollywood Voice-Artist)
Resident comic and Hollywood fixture Dee Baker gives young men some of the most unexpected advice of all: Fail!

“If anyone asks you what you learned from the essay by that voice-over guy who makes weird voices and sounds for cartoons and video games, go ahead and tell them, ‘Oh, he advised me to fail.’

“I know this sounds ridiculous, but I really do have a point. I see failure as an essential and often maligned life tool. And it turns out, a big part of being an actor is constant failure. Forget talent and persistence—that’s assumed. The number one job qualification for being an actor is tolerating, and even enjoying, relentless failure—having doors slammed in your face every day. Smart actors feed on it and use it to their advantage. Even after an actor reaches what seems like ‘success,’ the ability to court failure through calculated risk, sometimes risking spectacular failure, can be a good sign of a vital creative spirit and successful career. 

“I first became friends with failure doing plays and musicals as a kid. I found that live audiences are great at letting you know immediately when you are failing. Later, I found an even better arena for failure—stand-up comedy, where the honest, real-time feedback of an audience is much more prevalent than with plays. There I learned that honest failure can be the best of teachers. You instantly know when a joke works, but more importantly, you know when a joke fails. And if you honestly acknowledge failure, the audience will be on your side and they will laugh with you. Try to cover up failure and they laugh at you.  

“I’ve found that this was a principle that could be more broadly applied: No matter what the endeavor, no matter what your level of achievement, honest mistakes and real-time feedback (even if painful) are pure gold. Failure is pure gold. Without it, you will get nowhere. I say to you: Strive to fail honestly and openly a lot.”

Tim Seibles (Award-winning African-American Poet)
In this powerful autobiographical essay, Tim Seibles shares what he knows of the importance of holding onto your dreams, your hope, and your sense of self, even in the face of a world that is often hard and almost always uncertain.

“I know that schools are not always ideal places for learning. I had classmates that struggled with grades for awhile, then just gave up. Sometimes certain schools make it hard to dream. I also know that if you are black or brown the challenges you will face are, in most cases, different from those faced by your white counterparts, particularly considering how prejudice can eat away at anyone who is the target of bigotry. But I also know that, before someone turns into Stone*, he has to lose sight of himself.  He has to give up on the idea that his life might become something positive and important. I don’t mean to suggest that this happens easily or suddenly.  No doubt, the collapse of hope, the erosion of belief in self, takes place slowly over a number of years in both visible and invisible ways. However, I also feel certain that having faith in yourself and having a sense of your own worth don’t come easily or suddenly either. It’s something that you have to fight for every day, in spite of the fact that the world is big and often unfair and, in many ways, makes it difficult to see the things inside you that could make your life remarkable.”

*”Stone” was the nickname of a local gang leader in the neighborhood where Tim grew up.

Will Heller (NFL Player for Seattle Seahawks)
In this inspiring interview, Will Heller tells how, day in and day out, he fights for his position on a professional football team. His story offers young men real-life lessons in mental toughness, physical endurance, and the power of the human spirit.   

“For me, when I hit those low points, the only satisfaction I could find—the only way I could find to feel better about myself—was to go to work, go out on the field and run. When you’re in a position where you’re not as talented as the guys around you, all you can lean on in the back of your mind is I’m going to be better prepared than them. And I’m going to be in better shape: stronger, smarter, faster. And how I do that is I tell myself I have to be doing more today than they are. That is the only way I’m going to be able to compete at this level against this talent. I will flat outwork them! So when I get down—and there are constantly ups and downs—I think there are more downs maybe, when you’re not as talented because—well, I don’t know, but I think it just shows up more often—I lean on my work ethic. The minute I feel myself getting down, I go and work harder. I keep falling back on that. It’s like this backbone that you always have.”

Major General Ronald L. Johnson, USA (Ret.) (NBA Vice-President in Charge of Referee Operations)
After overseeing $18 billion worth of rebuilding in Iraq, General Johnson came to the NBA to rebuild the public’s faith in its tarnished referee program. In an amazing interview, General Johnson shares his insights on how and why every young man can be redeemed, even from very grave errors. 

“I know that when something goes wrong in my life—whether my divorce or my son having difficulties—I start with me and say, ‘Okay, what was it that I did (or what was it that I didn’t do) that may have caused this?’ For me, it is really hard to try to forgive myself, but I think you’re right—you can’t just be—you can’t move on from a mistake until you can leave it behind; and you can’t leave it behind until you forgive yourself …or others—people who may have hurt you.

 “I want boys to know what is possible—despite whatever odds they’re facing. I want them to know what is possible. And when they screw it up, I want them to know that redemption is possible.”

KHJ: If they’re still breathing, redemption is still possible.

General Johnson: “Exactly. If they’re breathing, it’s possible.”

Captain Howard “Rusty” Petrea, USN (Ret.) (Co-founder, The First Tee of Brunswick County)
In this terrific essay, Rusty Petrea tells the bittersweet story of a young cancer patient who is a long-time member of The First Tee program Rusty helped to co-found.  Rusty challenges young men to find it within themselves to develop the kind of courage and integrity demonstrated by this young man.

[C]haracter develops over time. It is an on-going process that takes years and requires practice, demonstration, improvement and accountability. Do not be discouraged when you fall short! Everyone does – many times. Simply pick yourself up and start again. Just keep moving forward and you will eventually arrive at the place in life where you want to be.

 . . .  I challenge you to choose one of the nine core values [of The First Tee] and incorporate it into your life.  Take the core value of Honesty, for example. See if you can go one entire month without telling a single lie (or half-truth, exaggeration, or lie of omission). I promise you it will be a lot tougher than you can imagine.  But it will also be an invaluable, eye-opening life lesson – one that is impossible to duplicate simply by thinking, writing or talking about honesty! Nothing takes the place of doing. 

Fred K. Bruney (former professional NFL player and coach)
In his interview recounting his experience both on and off the gridiron, Fred Bruney offers young men his insights on commonly made mistakes and why to avoid them.

Nowadays, it seems that drugs and alcohol are commonplace, a virtual right of passage. No doubt, the temptation to try them is great. But I promise you they are not the glamorous distraction your peers would have you believe. As both a young player and a seasoned coach, I watched far too many careers destroyed by these and other temptations. It takes strength of character and tremendous self-confidence to walk away from something your friends are doing, and when we are young, most of us are simply too weak or too immature to say “no.” Still, I hope you will find a way to resist. I know of no adult who looks back on alcohol or drug use from their youth and feels proud.  In fact, more often than not, these episodes serve only as a source of embarrassment. 

The good news is that God gives you many opportunities in life to succeed. It’s up to you to look for and take advantage of those opportunities when they come. I can tell you that the best men I know are the ones who did so. Day by day, they made sound friendships, showed good judgment and just generally went out of their way to be good guys:  they made good choices.

The Honorable Harry L. Carrico (Senior Justice, Supreme Court of Virginia)
In an eloquent essay, the former Chief Justice of the Virginia Supreme Court argues the need for a return to civility.

[T]he need for civility is not limited to the legal profession – not by a long shot! Civility is the duty of every person, as demonstrated in the following magnificent quotation from remarks of Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy of the Supreme Court of the United States:

Civility is the mark of an accomplished and superb professional, but it is even more than this. It is an end in itself. Civility has deep roots in the idea of respect for the individual. We are civil to each other because we respect one another’s human aspirations and equal standing in a democratic society. We must restore civility to every part of our legal system and public discourse. Civility defines our common cause in advancing the rule of law. Freedom may be born in protest, but it survives in civility.

In the effort to restore civility to all of society, the focus should be upon you, the young people of America, for you are our best hope for the future. 

Dr. Christopher E. Tubbs, Ph.D.  (Biochemist)
In a candid interview recounting the ups and downs of his youth, Chris recalls a poor decision he made as a young man that taught him a hard, but valuable, life lesson.

[T]here was one time when I was hanging out with this guy who was maybe two years older than me. He pulled out a joint, started smoking it and then offered it to me. I told him, “No.” I had never done anything like that nor had I ever felt the need to do anything like that. Plus, to be honest, I was scared. I didn’t want to admit that, but I had seen what drugs could do to people and I was afraid of that happening to me. But he kept asking and, eventually, I caved in because I didn’t want to seem like a punk. I took the joint and just kind of puffed on it. It tasted awful to me!  And that was all I needed to say, “Oh man, I do not like this!”  But in that moment, I knew I had betrayed myself. I had gone against who I was and done something I knew I didn’t want to do, simply to please this guy. 

I felt a tremendous amount of guilt afterwards. I kept asking myself why I’d done it. Why was this guy important enough to me for me to do something like that – something I didn’t want to do? Nothing I came up with made me feel any better. The bottom line was that I had compromised my principles and it felt terrible.